


On that day ... I will love you more

by rGo



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, Implied Character Death, Implied Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-15
Updated: 2012-10-15
Packaged: 2017-11-16 09:42:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/538116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rGo/pseuds/rGo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>That moment, when you realize someone has given you everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	On that day ... I will love you more

I watch you walk up,  
jaunty and denim, square and sure.  
You don’t wave or nod or anything,  
but you smile so no one else sees,  
but me  
And those great round emeralds shine.

I smile a retarded smile,  
in spite of myself.  
You render me an idiot,  
flailing to keep from drowning in you

I fail at saying anything clever ...  
or anything coherent  
my tongue clumsy and stupid  
in its want to be next to yours

I can’t help but grin  
I remember all those years  
we'll spend growing old together.

And you … you laugh too,  
you don’t know why I’m laughing  
but it’s a start.  
And you put your arm around me

You were so high on saving the world,  
everyone everywhere.  
and I …  
I would have burned the world down  
to be with you.

So we drove headlong into the dark.  
You and me against all of the things  
that go bump in the night

I remember the stupid things we’d argue about:  
Who drove last time,  
McDonald's or roadside diner,  
what we'd listen to on the radio…  
Whether we should have gone left or right  
Or if we were even lost.

I can’t help but laugh now  
Thinking back to fights about  
who showers first -- or alone,  
or who’s sleeping on which side of the bed  
\-- because the other bed was never really an option  
Or who was drunker or how many shots  
or who hustled more pool

All those years … All those miles.  
And I loved you more with every broken-down  
roach infested motel we stayed in.  
Wherever we were, Home was in your arms.

And your old Impala …  
you worried more about that car  
than me, or yourself  
… and I’d pretend to get mad  
because you fussed so much over her ...  
God, I miss that car now

But the years rolled on  
and the miles got hard  
and we argued about settling down,  
I did and you didn’t  
But you gave in … for me.

We picked a home  
and pretended to be like "them".  
And you busied yourself with the 9 to 5  
and mowing grass  
and Christmas lights  
and I cried because I knew you hated it all.

I traded Carhartt's for scrubs and  
the family business for a family practice,  
our adventures for a nice normal salary.  
We had a good life,  
affluent and comfortable.  
We got older and softer  
and you ribbed me about gaining weight  
and I laughed that you held the paper at arms length

We sat on the porch that late summer evening  
I stroked your hair, all silver now,  
and those shining emeralds--  
Those eyes that I lost and found myself in  
every day for decades.  
Cloudy now, shaded by a tired brow.

You gave up your life of nights  
To give me a life in the sun  
But it's burned you to the bone,  
And still you smile... Even still, you smile  
and hold my hand

I can’t help but see it- now,  
your beautiful square shoulders-- rounded,  
bent under the weight of our life.  
Your face, creased hard with forced smiles.  
That far-away long-ago look in your eyes.  
The life we used to have …

And I know you're tired,  
tired of this life, tired of this weight  
on your shoulders, that you have borne  
for me.  
But I just can't bring myself to let you go,  
just can't ... not one day without you.

Sobbing your name, even as  
the White Cadillac drives away with you.  
Even Death seems ashamed, taking you from me.  
I always swore I’d be right behind you,  
but that hateful God denied me

I tried never to look back  
I thought we would have forever  
This body can’t rot fast enough  
for me to be with you again.  
But I swear, we’ll do it different  
this time.

This old soul, halfed and hardened,  
broken so deeply, so long ago.  
Traded to the Yellow-Eye,  
for the chance, just the chance  
to do it all again..  
But this time, I’ll love you more

 

I watch you walk up,  
jaunty and denim, square and sure.  
You don’t wave or nod or anything,  
but you smile so no one else sees,  
but me.  
And those great round emeralds shine.

**Author's Note:**

> So this kind of started with idea of Sam & Dean giving up hunting.  
> How it wouldn't be much of sacrifice for Sam, but for Dean ....


End file.
